I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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