I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
