You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize