I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
