remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize