Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
