Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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