Im at strip club and am horny
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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