the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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