we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
