is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
