Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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