I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
