I'd wear matching sweaters with you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
