My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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