my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There's even glitter on my cock...
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