Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
