I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
