I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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