Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
