My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
