You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
