marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
