I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize