At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
