Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
