Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
