I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
