the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
