two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
