Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
