I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
