Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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