can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
