I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk is not a location!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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