I have demons in me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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