i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize