also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
