Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
