i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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