so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize