I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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