I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
