hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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