I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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