In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
