I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
