I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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