she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
