So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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