how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
