He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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