You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize