remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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