He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
