fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize