the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
