remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You ruined the universe
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
