Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
