Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
