I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
