I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
