is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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