Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
