From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
