I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
