I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
