Sorry, I don't speak sober.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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