Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My life is pants optional.
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