If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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