After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
