If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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