I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
