I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just forgot I was standing up.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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