Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
