peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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