Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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