Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
