I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
