You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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