dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
