My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
